brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
