Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
