I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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