gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
