She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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