i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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