This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
