I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
