This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
