So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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