He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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