it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Of course I have a pirate flag
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
