we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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