we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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