Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
