Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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