its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
