Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
