Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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