I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
