I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
