My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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