Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
