Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
