Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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