Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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