I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
