bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
