i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
