I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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