I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
