next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
