I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
