Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so let's talk penis.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
