If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize