I accidentally burped into my bong.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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