I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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