I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
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