ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
