the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
