then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
