yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
