you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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