The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
