ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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