im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize