but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
