i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
