New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
