omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
