She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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