i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
