She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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