the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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