Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize