dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize