OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
