I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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