Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
