his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
