fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
