do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
