I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
