why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
