If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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