dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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