I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i love accidental penises.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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