I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
