I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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