Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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