i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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