I didn't shave. On purpose
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
