hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
