the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
