Its about making memories worth repressing
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
