What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
birth control should be required to get into college
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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