I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
