just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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