the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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