3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize