That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
