Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
