Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
