I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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